are u ready for this?

So. This is my short story for my class. I got some feedback today but I haven't changed anything yet. I would like to know what you think! Ingore the format, because I don't think I can make it look like my actual paper does.


Lilly forced her eyes open but couldn’t see. She felt as though she were in fog and was floating above the clouds. Struggling to break free of these feelings, Lilly tried to speak, but her voice stuck in her throat. What happened? she thought. Where am I? Lilly tried to focus on the sounds around her, hearing beeping and chirping. The fog began to clear and Lilly started to panic. Am I dead? She didn’t know what to make of this situation and it hurt too much to talk.
Wanting to make some movement to convince herself she was still alive, Lilly fought the pain and twitched her hand. She heard a gasp, then a scream, “LILLY!” Another voice spoke sharply, “Don’t yell.” Again, Lilly wanted to ask where she was, but couldn’t, so she tried to focus now on the smells around her. It smelled too clean, like Lysol and antiseptic, and her nose burned as she breathed in. Wait. No. It can't be. Trying to focus again, she felt stuff on her skin, plastic, like tubes. Jesus. Am I in a hospital? This can't be happening.
“Lilly, sweetie, can you hear me?” a voice says. Lilly struggles to answer and weakly says, “Y-y-yes.” It took every ounce of her strength to not pass out again.
“Oh my God!” the voice says again.
“Not too loud. She might have a headache!” a different voice whispered harshly.
“I am just so happy she woke up.”
These voices made Lilly’s ears hurt, but she was thankful that they meant she was alive. Or maybe she was just insane. Gathering her strength, Lilly mumbles, “Why can’t I see?” The two people in the room exchanged glances. They knew they should tell Lilly the truth, but they couldn’t. It hurt them too much and they knew it would hurt Lilly more.
“You have bandages over you eyes, sweetie,” one of the mystery voices said. Oh. Well, what? Why? Lilly desperately wished she could see, since she couldn’t place the voices.
“Who are you?” she whispered.
“It’s us baby, your parents.”
“What happened to me?” Lilly was terrified of the answer, but she needed to know now.
“Maybe you should rest. We can talk later,” Lilly’s mother said.
“No! I need to know now.” The fog was lifting and Lilly sat up in the bed. “Please?” Her voice was still raspy from not having used it used it days.
“Ok,” Lilly’s mom sighed. “You were in a bad car accident. All of your friends are ok, so don’t worry about them. You were driving and I guess lost control of the car on the ice. You hit a tree. You have been here for a week.”
Lilly absorbed it all in, trying to remember. Thinking hurt her head, but she forced herself to remember. Oh yeah. The memories came back like a rush, playing in her head like a film strip. Her friends. Her car. Dinner. The movie. The screams as she lost control of the car. The thud of the impact against the tree. She started to cry, because of a mixture of pain, fatigue, and her loss of sight at the moment. Lilly felt someone take hold of her hand and squeeze it gently. As her weariness took her over, Lilly fell asleep.

Later, Lilly woke up and opened her, hoping the bandages were off. She wanted to see her parents, see the hospital room, just plain see. “Hello?” she called out, praying that someone was there.
“Hey baby,” her mom said. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes. I just want to take off these bandages so I can see you.”
Her parents exchanged that look again. They had talked last night and decided they would tell Lilly the truth today. She deserved to know.
“Listen sweetie, there is something your dad and I have to tell you.” Lilly could hear the pain in her voice and started to panic. What could possibly be wrong? Why does she sound like that?
Her mom sighed and continued, “When the bandages come off…you…you won’t be able to see.” Lilly’s mom started to sob as Lilly took in this knowledge. What? No, this isn’t possible. I am only 23. I can't be blind. I want to be a surgeon, I am in medical school! Lilly wanted to die. She didn’t think her life was worth living if she couldn’t use her eyes.
“Are you sure?” Lilly’s voice was thick with pain. There were too many emotions going through her body now. She wanted it to stop.
“Yes, we are. I am so sorry,” her dad finally spoke, his deep voice coming from the left. Or maybe it was the right. Lilly did not like being blind already. Anger clawed inside of her, wanting to break free and lash out at everyone, anyone. She started to sob uncontrollably until she fell asleep.

A week later, Lilly was released from the hospital. All her bandages were removed, her body healed, except for her eyes. Lilly still couldn’t fathom what she was going to do with her life. Everything seemed to be one big waste. All her schooling, all her money, wasted. She still didn’t see the need to live, and thought about suicide a lot. Her parents wanted her to go to counseling, but she didn’t see the point. Depression had settled deep inside and Lilly did not care if it stayed.
She couldn’t go to school anymore and was often bored. Watching T.V. or reading couldn’t be done, so she listened to music a lot and tried to remember how everything looked. Lilly wondered if she still has the same color blue eyes, dark brown hair, and straight nose. She wondered if she had any more freckles or if she was paler.
Before the accident, life seemed so simple to Lilly. Go to school, get good grades, graduate, start her career as a surgeon. Hang out with friends, have fun. Now, she couldn’t even get herself a glass of water without help. She felt useless. What is the point of living? Lilly’s friends often stopped by the house, but she never wanted to talk to them. She could feel their gazes on her, and could sense their looks of pity. She didn’t want pity. She didn’t want anyone. She wanted to be alone for the rest of life, which hopefully would end soon. The only think holding her back was her parents. Lilly loved them so much and didn’t want to cause them pain, but she was in too much pain herself. Her depression was taking over her life, and she slowly stopped caring about her parents. Everyday grew worse, and Lilly just wanted to pain to stop. Her parents tried to take her to counseling, but Lilly just didn’t want to go. She spent hours just lying on her bed, doing nothing, having arguments with herself.
One day while her parents were work, she finally decided to do it. She figured her life was already over, why not make it official? Lilly carefully walked from her bedroom to her bathroom, feeling the softness of the carpet between her toes. She thought about writing her parents a note but she didn’t want to embarrass herself, since she wouldn’t be able to see if she wrote it nicely. Her hands moved along the wallpaper clad walls, helping her find the way to the bathroom. It smelled like strawberries, sweet and sour, the scent of her favorite shampoo. She moved towards the cabinet and felt the cool glass of the mirror. She opened it and felt around for her razor blade. Finding it, she sat down in the tub, thinking it would be easier to clean up later.
Lilly grasped the razor and held it at her wrist. This is it. The pain is finally going to go away. She started to cut, slowly, feeling the sticky blood run down her arm, smelling the iron. Finishing with that cut, Lilly started on another, going deeper this time, biting her lip against the pain. She felt weak, she could feel herself getting dizzy, feeling like she had just spun around in circles. Lilly closed her eyes and let the feeling overtake her, finally happy that the pain was gone.

thanks : )