One month & one week.

I just want to clear another thing up before I write this post. I'm not trying to call attention to myself or be selfish about anything. I just want people to understand what I'm going through and how I feel. That way if I act differently, it's most likely because of this. That's all. I don't want pity. I want prayers.

So today it has been one month and a week since it happened.

And I feel like it's been years.

Everyday I miss him more and more. There's this emptiness in my chest that I feel all the time. There really isn't a moment that goes by when I don't think of David. He's pretty much in the front of my mind. Always.

For the past two days, I've almost broken down and cried in the middle of my class. Yesterday we were talking about Romeo & Juliet and my teacher kept saying how pure and awesome their love was and now that really didn't exist today. That made me sad (but it's not what almost made me cry). It made me sad because I believe that it does. And I believe that I had that. I honestly believe that what David and I had was pure and innocent and that he sincerely loved me with everything that he had. I refuse to believe that such amazing love doesn't exist anymore.

But the things that almost made me cry were thus. We were talking about why things happen, like why Romeo and Juliet just happened to be from two families that were sworn enemies. And he was all "Why does a friend have to die in a car crash just shy of his 18th birthday?" When he said that, I teared up, because naturally I thought of David. Sure, he didn't die in a car crash, but he did die before his 18th birthday. And then today we were discussing Julius Caesar and he was talking about how back then, a person could never tell the truth straight without risking their families. He preceded to tell us how if that happened, someone would just tell a man that he had to off himself or else they would kill his family...and then you would find that man moments later, with his wrists cut and bleeding. That stung, for obvious reasons. I thought he was kind of insensitive for saying that, but I guess in a way he's not. But still. I had thought I was getting better and then things like that happen.

Monday, Sebastian uploaded a video of David, because I asked him to, which was really nice of him. The video was hilarious and I love watching it, though it makes me a little sad at the same time. It seems weird to me now to see him alive and breathing. But I like it because I don't want to forget anything about him. I want to remember his face, the way he talked to me, the way he made me feel. I don't ever want to forget something so special.

I don't have much to say, except that I miss him like crazy. Sometimes it makes me angry when people get upset that they didn't get to see their boyfriend that day or talk to him. People should just be grateful that least the person they love is alive. I can never have David back.